The object of human desire is not real, but rather fantastic. The fantastic object cannot be found in a real world; technology cannot fulfill mydesire. The fantastic desire is to have and hold the object and simultaneously to be had and held by the subject. As reality slips away, the world outside myself is animated; objects desire. As the experience of reality begins to slide toward fantasy the techniques of reality lose their efficacy and science falls back under the spell of magic.

Science like magic is an attempt at resolving the fundamental ambivalence of human desire. "You are what you eat." It is a sex-change operation. Who's on top? In genital relationship, he becomes her as she becomes him. A nuclear relationship is a genital relationship; desire turned back upon itself in self-perpetuating coitus; it is in and out until the end of time. Is death the end of time?

Myexperience is limited. With the exception of one LSD trip, myexperience has cycled between a more or less normal or common waking experience and the dream. The LSD trip has left an impression upon me. Not the details of the experience, but the fact that for some period of time, that seemed to me interminable, the reality principle was slipping and sliding all over the place. The experience is the world, all else is abstraction.

Every human experience bespeaks a corresponding world, and none of them is totally real. Reality is law and order, a successful, ongoing repression of the possibilities of experience. It insists on a fixed, or, eternal set of rules. To say that the repression is successful, is to say that its form continues to perpetuate itself in the face of the continuous possiblities of chaos.

As human experience, reality is a matter of consensus. Here the law is not abstract; corpus delicti. A system of rewards and punishments performed upon the embodiedself enforces a stable reality; it is pleasure and pain, or, the carrot and the stick. The collective body, the group, or tribe, perform the enforcements and sufferings of the law. Both police and criminal are enforcing the law. And so it is with the profession of healing.

Despite all the effort to enforce the law, it continues in human experience to slip and slide, like every night when I lay myself down to dream, or, if I were to drop a little acid, or suddenly find myself in the land of schizophenia. What holds us, protects us, simultaneously confines us within a self-perpetuating identity. Somewhere in Anti-Oedipus, Deleuze and Guattari write, "we are so sick of ourselves." Could it be that I will grow sick of myself and die?

Freud says that dreams fulfill human wishes. What is it that I wish for that cannot be experienced while I am awake? What is about mydesire that renders it incompatible with reality? It is as if I can only experience mydesire in the dark.

The desires that Freud is referring to are the libidinal desires that flow between the genders and the generations. Libidinal desire contradicts itself, always and only ambivalent. Attraction is simultaneously repulsion; love is simultaneously fear. It is this ambivalence which the law will not allow in the light of day. The reality principle is the principle of contradiction; a real person cannot be ambivalent. Make up your mind. Do you love your father or do you want to kill him?

In the light of day it is either/or; you're either a good person or a bad person, or, a good person going bad or a bad person going good. A good person is rewarded and a bad person punished; that is how the law keeps them apart. The law does not allow that all the people be judged good, nor does it allow that all be judged bad. What the law demands is that one group of people play the part of good people, while another group of people play the part of bad people. The courtroom is the field of play, the stage upon which the agon is performed and a judgment made upon winners and losers.

The contest temporarily resolves the ambivalence of human fantasy. As long as the contest is on-going, my ambivalence is held at bay, resisted, repressed. For the judgement to be made the contest must come to an end. As the light of the law sinks over the western horizon and the dark returns, so does the ambivalence of mydesire.